From the Journal

April something, 1996

The longest trip yet and well worth it. I have been out about 3 weeks now and have 2 more or so to go. This morning finds me beneath Joyce Kilmer, close to Santeetlah. I slept well in a debris hut last night and when I crawled out from underneath my cacoon of sticks and leaves, I felt like a butterfly exiting the cacoon for the first time.

The weather is good today, cool, hinting Spring, yet holding on to Winter with a desperate grip. My goal today is Jeffrey’s Hell. I will make it by nightfall, but I cannot get motivated to leave my beautiful Santeetlah. 3 weeks since I spoke to a human. I smelled the camp of hunters yesterday and for a second I thought perhaps I would drop in for a visit, the second passed and I knew it has not been long enough. I preferred to remain in my blissful solitude.

Pictures, pictures, pictures this time. Destroying Angels, for which I wrote a poem yesterday, Indian Paintbrush, Jewelweed, Joe Pie, Loosestrife, and the tiny partridge berry that graced my oatmeal this morning.

Tracks about 3 days ago led me into North Fork. The bear are plenty this year and the camera will not do her justice…..

I have sit here alone, enjoying the tea, the air, the scenery, the peaceful way this mountain grasps your soul and guides you through the pages of time. I thought, I am alone….

I felt I wanted someone to share this with, who could respect it, feel it, love it as much as I. See the beauty and never desire to leave. Sit by me in camp and talk about the spirit of the stones, the music of the creek, Tom Brown, Jr., stories of the ancient ones…..life. Share tea, wild mushroom soup, skinny dip, lie naked on the rocks at the creeks edge and watch the sun move slowly across the sky, make love with the Earth beneath us and become one as our rhythm matches the heartbeats of the Spirits that surround us….

and then I realized that it would never be. Some Spirits are meant to be alone, some Spirits can only learn in solitude, stillness making them grow. Sad? Of course, the silence is heart breaking at times. BUT….if it were ever meant to be, I would not appreciate the gift as much if I had never been taught lonliness.

I see Columbines by the rock…will anyone else ever see them?