Birthdays: I guess I can understand why we celebrate them, it is the day that the world was graced with the rebirth of our soul. We want gifts, not that we need gifts, but people always want them for their birthday. Some people actually look forward to their special day all year. Although it may surprise some of you, I am not a party person. Birthday parties, like all other parties, scare me. Why? I have no clue. I remember only 2 birthday parties prior to age 20. One was when I was about 9 or 10 and I wanted a green cake. Why green? Because someone I am sure convinced me that since my birthday was on St. Pats Day that I must like green. So I did get a green cake and all I can remember was how much food coloring had to go into that cake to make it green and I could taste it and it sucked. I remember when I turned 16. I was married and had been for about 4 months. My husband actually cooked me a steak dinner and it was nice. Somewhere I have a picture of that dinner and the little square cake he bought to go with it. There is a horrible picture of me sitting in front of this cake as well. My gift that year was a pair of shoes. I had no shoes and really needed a pair. I thought I wanted this pair of mega in style shoes that had curvy clog bottoms (hey it was 1978 so go figure). Those were horrible shoes, not practical at all and someone stole them from me a month later, leaving me once again…barefoot. I do not remember any more birthdays until I was like 38 or something. They were just insignificant to me.

Each year you start getting those dreaded questions. What do you want to do for your birthday? Where do you want to go? And the worst, what do you want? Does anyone else freak out when you start hearing these questions? I hate it because you ALWAYS end up disappointing someone or making someone mad with the answers! What do I want to do? Well, maybe have a dinner with my family because they are the best birthday present I have ever received in this life. YAY…dinner…something simple. Then someone has to start the calls, to other family members, “she wants dinner so what do we do now?” Then there is a day to decide upon and time and then the next question….”Where?” Well, the family is growing and how do I choose one place for everyone so that I KNOW everyone will like something on the menu? Then I think…you know, it IS my birthday, why not just choose somewhere I honestly do like? So it is Chinese. Not just Chinese, it is the buffet they have CRAB LEGS on. They have pizza, taters, fruits, desserts, ice cream, chicken wings, fish, and a variety of meat you can choose from and choose your veggies and they will cook it fresh for you! So surely my favorite place is OK with everyone else. At this point most questions are answered and then you start getting the “what do you want?”

Well let us take a look at this. The things I want are: A camping trip, a hiking trip, a foraging trip, a ride through the mountains, a day at Santeetlah, a trip to Bearpen, a trip to Butler Cemetery, a picnic on North River, A hike to Whigg Meadows, a day on Cold Springs Gap Trail, a trip up Citico, an adventure in Jeffrey’s Hell, knitting at Hooper Bald, quilting at Gee Creek, collecting rocks at Spring Creek, digging for broken pottery on Starr Mountain, a nap in Mason’s cave.

“No, what do you REALLY want?” usually comes next. OK, *smiling inside at the lost hopes of someone doing any of the above mentioned with me*…. Lemme think? OK what I really want is… a picture of all of my grandkids together. If not for my birthday, then Mother’s Day is cool. And….uh…can’t really think of anything else, because I pretty much have everything I “REALLY” want. Some more spoons from Memories? LOL

I have no clue what I “really” want. All I “really” want is to go out and have a nice meal with my family. That is it REALLY. Lots of pics taken of the family maybe. Don’t get me wrong, I am not ungrateful. I appreciate any gift I am given. But just go get whatever, whenever or not and I am happy because in all honesty…I do have everything I really want. The only thing I want that I don’t get enough of sometimes is my family together in one place. Not that there are a million of us, there are only 11 of us to be honest, well 12 if you count my ex’s daughter and 13 if you count him too, 14 if he wants to bring his girlfriend.

So anyway, I will be 46 in a few days. I am getting old. It is not depressing this year because I feel I have reached an age to be proud of. Yeah My body has a lot extra padding at this time in my life, some things are hanging in places that I am sure they were not meant to hang in. I have those nice little painful purple wiggly veins coming up in my legs, I spot a few more grey hairs on my thinning scalp, weight is not as easy to lose as it once was, wrinkles are starting to appear where all the smiles have been throughout this life. But, I feel good, I feel healthy, I feel like I am doing OK. So age is hitting me a bit at a time, like a paintbrush touching a canvas, adding more detail, more distinguishing marks with each stroke. So what? I won’t be wasting my time and money dying my hair, getting injections into my face, getting things tucked or sucked out, scraping, peeling and prodding age away. I have no time for that crap. I earned this age dammit and I will wear it proudly! I have had a hell of a life and yeah I may not have the body and looks I had when I was 20, but by golly when I was 20 I had men lining up for me. So I had it when I “needed” it and had time to play with it, now I am just plain, OLD simple ME and if people do not like the fat, saggy, graying, wrinkling body that holds ME in this life….they can pretty much just kiss my ass. I am 46 and a damn good person with the maturity to recognize the wisdom I have developed through the years and the wisdom to know I have much more to learn!

What do I want? I want things as they are, my friends, my love, my family, my animals, my life, my job, my car, my home, my OCD, my spirituality, my sense of humor, my laughter, my tears, my journey in this life that has made me who I am! And dinner with my family! And I will post a picture of that when it happens!